Narcissists are often perceived as confident and self-assured individuals, but at their core, they are deeply insecure. This insecurity fuels their God complex, where they see themselves as superior to others. A study by the British Journal of Psychology (2016) highlights that narcissists are generally insecure people who seek validation through dominance and control. This understanding is crucial when dealing with narcissists, as it helps to see beyond their facade of confidence and understand their true nature.
The Best Strategy: Not Dealing with Narcissists
The most effective way to deal with a narcissist is to avoid dealing with them altogether. Narcissists never assess their own behavior and never believe they are wrong. This lack of self-awareness means they do not introspect, seek personal growth, or hold themselves accountable. When you engage with a narcissist, they are likely to stonewall or gaslight you, making you feel inferior or confused. Recognizing these manipulative tactics is the first step in realizing how small they are and how easy it can be to walk away from them.
Identifying Narcissists: Covert and Overt
Overt Narcissists are the more obvious type, often displaying grandiosity, arrogance, and a need for admiration. They tend to boast about their achievements, seek constant validation, and show little empathy for others. They thrive on being the center of attention and can be domineering in social situations.
Covert Narcissists are more subtle and harder to spot. They often present themselves as victims or martyrs, using passive-aggressive behavior to manipulate others. They may seem humble or shy but are secretly envious and resentful. Covert narcissists often guilt-trip others to get their way and are adept at playing the victim to gain sympathy and control.
Tell-Tale Signs of a Narcissist
1. Lack of Empathy: Both overt and covert narcissists show little genuine concern for others’ feelings or needs.
2. Need for Admiration: Overt narcissists seek constant praise, while covert narcissists crave reassurance and validation, often through indirect means.
3. Manipulative Behavior: Narcissists use manipulation to maintain control, whether through overt intimidation or covert guilt-tripping.
4. Grandiosity: Overt narcissists display an inflated sense of self-importance, while covert narcissists might secretly believe they are superior to others despite outward appearances.
5. Victim Mentality: Covert narcissists often portray themselves as victims to gain sympathy and manipulate others into fulfilling their needs.
Subtle Scenarios of Narcissistic Behavior
1. Constantly One-Upping: If someone always has to top your stories or achievements with their own, it may indicate narcissistic tendencies. This behavior shows their need to be seen as superior.
2. Feigning Interest: A person might appear to listen to you but quickly steer the conversation back to themselves. This subtle self-centeredness is a hallmark of narcissism.
3. Backhanded Compliments: These are disguised as praise but actually serve to belittle you. For example, “You did a great job on that project, considering you usually struggle with deadlines.”
4. Playing the Victim: If someone frequently portrays themselves as being wronged or misunderstood, it can be a way to garner sympathy and control others through guilt.
5. Subtle Undermining: A narcissist might undermine your confidence through small, seemingly innocuous comments that cause you to doubt yourself.
The Courage to Walk Away
Walking away from a narcissist requires boldness and a disregard for what others might think. The constant need to feed a narcissist’s ego is often a result of mental programming that can be hard to break. However, it becomes easier once you prioritize your own needs over the narcissist’s fake needs. Learning to do away with people-pleasing and not caring about others’ opinions empowers you to break free from the narcissist’s hold.
Building Self-Worth
The power a narcissist holds over you lies in making you believe that your worth depends on them. This is a falsehood. Overcoming this lie involves embracing your true identity and building your self-worth. Understand that a narcissist seeks to control, divide, and conquer. By cutting off contact with the narcissist and avoiding them, you deny them the attention they crave.
You must understand that in the same way the narcissist seeks to control you through mental programming, you can also regain control by programming your own mind to be free. For the narcissist cannot control who he cannot control.
Exposing the Narcissist
When it is safe, you should tell others about the narcissist. During the early stages of overcoming a narcissist, it can weigh heavily on your psyche, especially if you’re just beginning to understand what narcissism is. Sharing your experiences with trusted individuals can provide you with the support you need and help you process what you’re going through. By informing others about the narcissistic person’s behavior and actions, you enable them to recognize these patterns as well. Eventually, others will begin to see the truth, and the narcissist hates being exposed.
This exposure can be a powerful tool in diminishing the narcissist’s influence and control. Over time, identifying these traits will become very easy, and the hold that this type of personality has over you will be non-existent.
Ignoring the Narcissist’s Retaliation
When you avoid or expose a narcissist, they may try to retaliate by spreading lies or seeking revenge. In such situations, unless it involves life-threatening circumstances or legal issues, it is best to ignore the narcissist. They act out to provoke a reaction from you. Understanding this allows you to give them what they hate most: absolute silence. Even if legal action is necessary, minimizing contact with the narcissist remains the best approach.
When a narcissist is stripped of influence and can no longer hide their true being, he or she loses their strength. How does a narcissist lose influence? When they have no audience and the audience leaves when it sees the narcissist for who they truly are.
Understanding the Narcissist’s Weakness
A narcissist thrives on attention and validation from others. Their actions are driven by deep-seated insecurity. When you realize that others’ thoughts don’t hold much sway in your life, you begin to strive for self-actualization and personal growth. You become someone you trust, and you can identify and eliminate negative influences. This shift starts with letting go of the need to please others and understanding that you have a responsibility to protect yourself.
My Personal Experience:
In my personal experience, I have dealt with narcissists in various aspects of my life. In relationships, I’ve encountered narcissists who were envious of my success and took joy in my suffering, even in the slightest. The narcissist would accuse me falsely, trying to create a narrative that wasn’t true, as well as, flip situations to make me appear as the agitator. In my work life, I have dealt with a narcissist who would praise and curse me from the same mouth. The narc would tell lies to make themself feel better and try to undermine my value in the workplace.
Nonetheless, by employing the strategies I discuss in this article, I have seen these narcissists crumble. However, it’s important to note that your desire should never be to focus on the narcissist or to see them fall. Even that gives the narcissist too much energy. Your goal in life should always be self-actualization and self-love. The narc will dissipate naturally.
Embracing Self-Actualization
Overcoming a narcissist is about understanding their weaknesses and building your own strengths. By recognizing their insecurity and their need for control, you can break free from their influence. Prioritize your self-worth, embrace your true identity, and strive for personal growth. Silence and avoidance are powerful tools in dealing with them. Ultimately, trust yourself and protect your well-being, because your life depends on your own thoughts, words, and actions, not on the false narratives of a narcissist.
You overcome the insecure narcissist by being secure in yourself.