Finding Peace in Grief: Overcoming Anxiety Through a Father’s Perfect Love

When I was younger, my dad was my superhero. I remember hearing thunder and lightning outside but because Daddy was home, I felt safe. I could sleep soundly through a storm, knowing I had a good father who loved me and would make sure I was protected, whether by telling me, "It will be fine," or by fixing the leaks in the roof. 

Even on nights when gunshots echoed through the community, Daddy knew just the right words to say. More than that, his presence alone gave me peace and reminded me I didn’t need to be afraid. So instead of panicking, I stayed close to him, knowing he would protect me and quiet any fearful thoughts I had. 

But as superhuman as Daddy seemed, he was mortal. He couldn’t control the storms or stop the hurricanes. Still, I knew he loved me deeply, and that love cast out my fear and anxiety. 

Then, in 2010, my superhero was taken from us, killed in a careless police shooting while traveling home one evening in a taxi. That moment became its own storm. 

I had Mommy, my brother, and a wonderful network of family and friends who stood by our side and I loved them dearly. But as a true Daddy’s girl, I went to Daddy when life felt overwhelming. And now, he wasn’t there. 

My heart ached in a way I had never experienced. I wondered how life could possibly go on without him. There was a deep emptiness. His seat was left unoccupied. His clothes, untouched.  His special cup sat unused. 

Daddy was a much-loved and down-to-earth pastor. Though biologically he had just my brother and me, he was a father to so many more. As a church and a community, we had to learn how to grieve together and comfort one another. 

The tragedy led many to question God and to wrestle with anger, “How could a good God  allow one of His faithful servants to die this way?” I wrestled too. But I came to realize I was mistaken in expecting a life without pain. God never promised a trial-free or grief-free life.  Instead, He promised: 

Tears stained my pillows for many nights. I never imagined that years later, I would be writing from a place of peace and healing. 

You may be wondering: How did I find peace? How did I avoid being consumed by anxiety,  especially whenever I saw a police officer or entered a taxi? 

Truthfully, I did experience anxiety, each time I rode in a taxi, especially when I sat in the seat directly behind the driver, because that’s where Daddy had sat. Each time I passed through Downtown Kingston, I was reminded of him (he had been on his way from there). I even avoided that area for years.

And here’s something that might sound silly: the meal we had prepared the night Daddy didn’t come home was pumpkin rice (and I can’t even remember what else). For years, I couldn’t eat it. Just the thought of it made me feel sick because of the memory attached. 

Daddy didn’t come home on November 16th, just days after my university graduation.  November became an emotionally heavy month for me. I couldn’t understand why I always felt sad when I was supposed to be happy. My birthday is on the 1st, but every year it was clouded by lingering anxiety and tears. 

But here’s what I’ve learned from the love of my earthly father: 

1. If Daddy loved me so much that he would do anything for me, just imagine how much more God, my heavenly Father, loves me and will always provide what’s best. (Matthew 7:11) 

2. Unlike my loving earthly father, who could not escape death and didn’t know all things, God is eternal. He sees all, knows all, and can do all things. (Ephesians 3:20) 

   
   

I have overcome anxiety by trusting in God’s love and memorizing and meditating on His Word. 

If “perfect love casts out fear,” then trusting in God’s perfect love gives me strength to silence my fears. 

This isn’t a one-time fix. I still speak truth over anxious thoughts. I still say, slowly and  reflectively: 

Accepting and remaining in God’s love has transformed me. Now, when I don’t understand, I  trust. When I can’t see the way, I trust. 

This is how I overcome anxious thoughts: by allowing the lessons of my father, the late Pastor Trevor Sinclair Edwards, to guide me into the comforting arms of my Heavenly Father, who loves me even more than he ever could.

Kay-Dian Edwards is a writer for noblemedianetwork.com. She is an author, speaker, Certified Christian Life Coach, and Bible study leader with a deep passion for empowering women through the Word of God. She specializes in encouraging healing and uplifting women who have been wounded by relationships, guiding them to rediscover their true worth.

With a background in human resource management, customer care, and organizing women’s workshops and conferences, Kay-Dian is committed to helping women step confidently into their God-given identity. She also serves as a Justice of the Peace and is engaged in volunteerism and community service.